Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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