Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
