Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
