Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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