u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
