I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
