Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
