I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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