Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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