was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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