So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
