If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
