Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
