I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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