Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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