Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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