I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
