Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
