her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
