If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
