I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
