Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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