Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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