i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
