nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
