Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
