no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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