sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
