I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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