There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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