guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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