Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
