so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
