eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Houston, we have a blender
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
