i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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