I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
