R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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