we have pet lesbian snakes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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