i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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