i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
