I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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