i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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