dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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