The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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