Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
