I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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