i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
