Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
