i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
