party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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