after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
