I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
