You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
