i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
